This will not define you anymore.

God doesn't define me as a sexual addict.

Was in LAX and went down to Manhattan Beach. Ive been there before a few years ago and have visited several So-Cal beach towns in the last 10 years.

Had been working hard that particular week and felt that a walk with the Big Guy was a great way to spend a sat. night away from the family. Thoughts of my walks and revelations in middle of nowhere Nebraska, and random churches visited on previous tours, came to mind. This is gonna be great! Just God, me, the ocean, cute Californy families with their blonde, curly-haired kids hanging out in front of the cafe, came to mind.

As the shuttle driver dropped me off, I could see some type of festival was going on. He was definitely excited about it.  "Hey look at that one in the high heels over there"!   Apparently he especially liked  his route tonight.  This place was hoppin and traffic was at a standstill. There were people everywhere!

This wasn't the Northern Wisconsin state fair or Lumberjack days back in Minnesota. Definitely not Kansas anymore. That is unless Dorothy recently turned off the yellow brick road and onto the MTV Spring Break superhighway.  People were mostly in swimwear and there was definitely an emphasis on your outward appearance. A very high emphasis! One I've only witnessed inside nightclubs.

Yet, this wasn't a nightclub. This was a beach village. An outdoor walking area.  Previously I had observed families eating breakfast outside of cafes with children running around. I had wished to bring Stephanie, Oscar, and Oliver and enjoy a morning of watching waves roll in, or surfers catching their favorite waves. Not today.

As I walked towards the ocean I quickly realized that I was now in fact part of this outdoor party. But I wasn't dressed for it. I had my cargo shorts, Hollister number 22 blue t-shirt and my Sketchers shoes with low-cut athletic socks on. Definitely not dressed for a fine-dining experience, but I thought it was appropriate for my evening.  As I made my way down through the crowd of ripped muscle men in board shorts and party girls dressed in high heels and teenie bulging bikinis, I felt like a small-town out of touch midwesterner with a bible strapped to his Jesus holster. It was a feeling I'm sure Brenda and Brandon from the TV series 90210 must've felt when they arrived from Minnesota.  Except that they showed up to school on their first day. I was in an outdoor nightclub that, at 5pm, was setting up to be crazy insane as the sun dipped west over the massive Pacific ocean.

As I reached the bottom of the hill I stopped to look back at the crowd of people partying on the street.

What the heck am I doing here God!?

You send a previously sexually-addicted person here!  Are u insane!?

My thoughts race.  I don't get it. Something just doesn't resonate.  Should I be here?  I want to. Should I?

I turn towards the beach and see the crowded volleyball courts. Each team has a theme. I find myself watching the middle-aged movers and shakers of southern California teams go at it.  I imagine corporate board members, smoothie entrepreneurs, and next-gen smart phone creators.  One team has some awful hot pink shorts with flamingoes on it. I think my mom bought me a pair once from a cheap Florida souvenir store. Shorts read: Clearwater Beach Florida.

These Guys are good. I imagine that if we had beaches in Wisconsin like this, my friends and I would probably be volleyball beach-heads instead of Mt biking dudes at Lowes Creek.  When in Rome.

I visit the other games briefly. One team has the clown thing down.  Another chick team decided that nightgowns were unique. Another, fishnet stockings, and attire I've seen in Halloween costume magazines. Sleazy.

It strikes me that they're just all about having fun. Having a good time. Most are much older than the dance crowd up by the houses, but the sensuality and good time exudes all around. All about flesh. All about the external me.

After watching my last game (this one was popular because an LA Laker traded in his B-ball for a V-ball) I head out.

Back up the hill. I've seen enough.

Or have I?

I just have this curiosity?  People do this. This is real. Why aren't I leaving?

I just don't get it?  What a lot of energy spent in the flesh.

I used to spent a lot of energy in the flesh. I just did it differently. Same stuff George.  This is the shizz I were part of.

As I walked up the hill a couple blocks away, I came upon the coffee shop I visited previously. No cute kids and trendy parents.

In front of the grocery store a cheerful black woman caught my attention. "would u like to donate to help some teens down in the city?  Help them stay out of trouble?".

Are you kidding me woman?  There's trouble all around here. Are u blind?

At first i thought she might be a scammer.  I asked her about the program and she gladly told me. I could see that she was the real deal.

I donated a few bucks and started asking her questions. Questions like:  what's going on here?  What's with the flesh?  Is this typical?

Her name was Brenda.  She chuckled and filled the Wisconsin kid on what he had been missing out on all his life. Apparently she grew up as a girl just like these kids. Nothing could keep her away from having fun. Now she was older, wiser, but I could tell that if she could, she would love to have all the boys chasin after her still, just for fun.

When she found out my job, and what I did, she took a real interest in me and wanted to introduce me to her friend. Which she did. He was a Promoter.   Promoter?  What the heck?!  Im so in California!  We dont have Promoters in the midwest we have Architects, Bankers, and Painters.  Next I'm gonna meet a aspiring movie actor and a producer  

Come to find out He's the Promoter of a band, and the band members were handing out cards to people on the street. They were a promotin! Ha!

Met some of the young boys that were doing the handing out. Everyone was happy to meet me and super friendly.

Meanwhile some flaming homos,(theres just no other way to describe these dudes) wearing their leopard bikinis, and sporting their LA Fitness hard bodies to everyone around, were making a scene in front of us. Their posse was making contact with some girls that had walked by.  They looked irritated by their comments but instead of walking away they settled into a spot safely away yet strategically close enough to still engage. Then everyone pulled out their smart phones and started texting.

At this point I'm seriously lost.  What the heck?!  Are they gay too? Have these girls lost it?  Which way is up?  Gravity still pulls towards the earth, right?

I ask Brenda. She hasn't got a clue. Apparently even the seasoned California veteran is stumped.

It's my clue to leave before I float away. I'm outta here before it gets seriously weird.

I say my goodbyes to my new friends and I walk back to the shuttle stop.

Nacho's back and he got that look in his eyes. "Sexy senioritas, aye?  Aye yai yai amigo!"

I shake my head. I mean really, what do you say to a guy like that?!  Wow!  I'm speechless.

I get back to my room and my thoughts are everywhere.  What was that about God?  Why did u lead me there. I saw flesh. I don't need to see that. I avoid that.


Then it hits me.

And God speaks:  "So how has avoiding flesh worked for you before? You would avoid till you went looking for it. Now, you don't look for it. But it's still there isn't it?

Whoa!

I'm not the same guy anymore. Yeah, it's still out there. Maybe even worse than before. The old me would've turned to a computer that night to lust and dive head long into disobedience.  Tomorrow I would've felt like a failure. A phony. A powerless child.   

But I'm not the same guy anymore.

I'm not April 22 George. Not in Gods eyes.  I'm George. Im George who honors his wife, even when we're apart. I'm the George that honors his children. I'm the George that honors his God. I'm the George that sees what my Father sees. I see LIFE!  I see hearts!  I see depth. I see purpose. I am not defined by April 22. I am living proof of that every day.

Praise God!  He sets the captives free.


"For the Lord in His mercy will lead them."  Isaiah 49:10